i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
