An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
