I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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