i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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