She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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