Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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