i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
