ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
