I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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