It's Friday. Sex?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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