And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize