So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
