sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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