cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
