she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
