do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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