you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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