You surviving the open bar?
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Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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