So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
