Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
