you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
