Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize