I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
