I cockslap morals
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize