someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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