i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I smell like Dick and happiness
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
