please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
