she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
