Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When are your genitals available?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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