Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
