I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
