Have you finally orgasmed yet?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
