i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
high people should be assigned attendants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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