Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
