Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
