You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
