Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
