Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize