She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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