so explain again why im purple
no
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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