i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
