last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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