Can Purell be used as lube?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
