she was so not down for the gang bang
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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