I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
