she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize