we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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