Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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