Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
