i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my being single is dangerous.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
