I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
