I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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