if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
