we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
