You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
