I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
