It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize