ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
