Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
