naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
