Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
