ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
