I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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