I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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