Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The air taste purple.
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