Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
