With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The power of my boobs compel you
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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