the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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