...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
