this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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