he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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