hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize