i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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