can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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