Nicole vs. Life
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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