coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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