No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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