He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
