The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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