I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
