why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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