yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
