Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
