i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize