At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
