I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
