dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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