i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
