In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
